Many couples want to make change in their relationship but instead make excuses for why they won’t or can’t change. Often, couples I counsel with use the excuse of disbelief. Both people doubt the other person can or will change, and therefore, they themselves will not or cannot change.
Did you catch the excuse?
“Since he won’t change, I can’t change.” “Since she won’t change, I can’t change.”
Now, in our good minds, most of us know that we can’t wait on someone else to change before we change. But, out of frustration, disappointment, hurt, etc., we somehow forget this and bog down, waiting on change to magically come our way.
I recently asked a couple who has been married many years… “What are you waiting for? Why not start being the man you want to be and the woman you want to be?”
Predictably, they both answered the same answer they’ve hung on to for years—“He won’t…,” “She won’t…”
We had built a good working relationship over time, so I kindly pointed out that maybe it was time to be the man he wanted to be, not for her, but for God and for himself. And, maybe it was time for her to be the woman she wanted to be, not for him, but for God and for herself.
These are good people. You and I are good people. But, we all sometimes blame our waiting on someone else. Interestingly, though, when you and I stop waiting on others to change and start making change we ourselves need to make, often, the other person naturally has to and gets to change as well.
I’m reminded of Matthew 7:3… “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” Said another way—“what are you waiting for?!” Let’s get busy making change, not more excuses.
What change are you ready to make? What excuse is holding you back? Join the “Hope to Build On” conversation in the comments section below.
scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible
photo © Can Stock Photo Inc. / tmainiero